just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
