i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
