I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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