Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
