I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Enjoy the penises
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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