He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
