Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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