just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
