he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
i out mim tonsoeep
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