I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
