you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
