Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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