she woke up with a sticky ear
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
