you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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