I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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