i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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