sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize