watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
