Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Panties = found
Randomize
