remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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