The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
