the condom got lost in my hair
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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