I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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