wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Fuck appropriateness.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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