Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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