omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
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