yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
