Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
i think im in europe. pls send help
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
