i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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