he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
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