how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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