I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
We were destined to go to rehab together
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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