We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
