who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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