I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
