I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
