READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
