That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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