I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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