Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
