I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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