I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
