I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
