The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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