Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
