The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
