so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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