I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Randomize
