All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Randomize
