How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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