so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
