I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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