im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
