Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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