You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
