my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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