Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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