we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
