i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
