so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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