Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize