Plan B is the new Plan A
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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